


Romantic Despair

by l_casarotto



Category: Classical Music RPF
Genre: M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l_casarotto/pseuds/l_casarotto
Summary: Tchaikovsky is desperate to discover the real reason he was never attracted to "beautiful" female curves
Relationships: Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky/Undisclosed
Kudos: 4





	Romantic Despair

He already imagined, it was obvious that a sensitive boy like him would not love women, that was extremely obvious, but it took him 13 years to see this and the worst, he could not do anything, stuck in his world where just hiding matters, even let it be the last thing he does

That's what he did, the years went by and Tchaikovsky fell in love, and unfortunately… some of his friends unmasked him, of course without complaints, but it was a sign for Piotr to be more careful and he did, until someone "dangerous" raised suspicions . Who? His own father, that made Tchaikovsky crazy, he knew that his father did not accept his career as a pianist and if Piotr was sick ... his father would already have a way of taking him down

But a woman sent Tchaikovsky a marriage proposal, would that be his salvation or was that what he thought until the wedding ... she was disgusting, her body was disgusting it was horrible in Piotr's sight, he felt like throwing up naked, but a person helped him to forget that ...

That unfortunately was no longer among the living, Sergei was still dead and Piotr was no longer in doubt, his love was exclusive to men and his new wife was disgusting…

The months went by, and Tchaikovsky was getting more and more crazy, that woman just wanted to have sex while Piotr's fear only increased, "one day she will find out" he thought, "you can't fuck a fucking vagina" he thought, "if you don’t do that you’ll lose everything, you’ll be re-educated, you’ll be one more patient among the others” those were the main things that crossed his mind

He knew that if he separated from Antonina (his wife) the suspicions would increase, but that was the best for his mental health so he did

Alone, Tchaikovsky spent his free time in bars, usually drinking the most alcoholic beverages or flirting with any stranger who was like him, obviously after the flirtations Tchaikovsky was submissive to the other man and paid him to maintain secrecy

And this vicious circle continued for years, Many of the men he slept with were in re-education, while others, he believed they were so drunk that they saw a woman in his bearded face.

This was the best thing to do, be a quick fuck, practically an expert pianist by day and a quick fuck during (some) nights, most of his money was spent on it, drinks and secrecy and in return what he got was sexual pleasure

But one day he was forced to stop, the day he started financing a boy, Sergei Rachmaninoff was the name, the boy was tall and skilled and he was the reason Tchaikovsky stopped committing such sinful acts

Sergei loved Piotr, but not in the way that his old Sergey loved him, Rachmaninoff felt admiration for Tchaikovsky and Tchaikovsky did not want to destroy his reputation with a boy 30 years younger, that was ridiculous, destroying a child's expectations was cruel

And so he did, until his death, going crazy in a bathtub because of cholera, all because they threatened him, they would tell his biggest secret, what made him so depressed and made his works beautiful, the mixture of the fantasy of the ballet with the fantasy of freedom that Piotr had

And on that day everything collapsed, his fame, his success, his money and his life, everything was gone after taking the glass of water with cholera, all the fault of the fear of being free ...


End file.
